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Friday, December 22nd, 2006
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wake up next to the hole in my bed
everything seems to hate me
not nearly enough
thoughts of grit and sweat in my head
something inside me hopes you die
knowing you'll never make it out of yourself alive
the night you closed my eyes
wrapping my ears in such warm lies
that was the straw that broke my back
little pieces lying around
wish i may wish i might
sun fall from the sky; im never going back
i'm not great lover to be told
just a silly little boy with a heart of gold
to warm your skin and worship every word i hear
love is a fable thing i've learned to fear
i know somewhere inside you've died
you'll never get over yourself alive
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Friday, December 15th, 2006
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Finding yourself running to the point where you'll jump
Arms flailing like a half ass for a mind lunatic
Drip grin starring down the target for landing
Where either you'll be caught and cherished
Or watch as they step aside to have you accepted by emptiness
Fool I may be, but I'd rather not be any other
Heartless drones, scarred victims, vultures to the lone
Put it all in and get the most I can from the beginning, or go broke
You know I'll always be around
Glutton for pain where love might be found
Starstruck senseless, but these open arms won't rest
Afraid that I might hurt, decide I receive the first blows
Little do they know too little do they know
Glitter and Gold, to the child and man inside thats what you still are to me
Praying not to wake up to find out friends is all we'll ever be
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You know it's a good day.
When you can stand in your garage and see the first drop of rain.
Grab a lawn chair and prop your feet up on another, Inside your garage.
And watch as your pavement that stretches up your hill.
Be pelted for the next half hour by rain.
And to this day of being eighteen years old now.
Still find rain to be magical in every drop that lands.
Being able to still realize how magical it is.
It's a good day.
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Your vernaculars spectacular
When you're dancing on that air
It really suits you
The way it swallows whole
Comes down fire
Smoothe as the fingers through your hair
Your body meets the grain
With soft objections
And the process of divinity
Is lost in my eyes
As the flood runs cold
Gestures still stand
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Monday, December 11th, 2006
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slung over a table
like some worn cloth
ramblin on about some new jesus
hangin from some gold cross
talking about how my soul can be bought
Now im layin in a pool of repentence
didn't get cursed to wander the ages
didnt get turned into a pillar of salt
God looked down over his pillows
with a whisper he broke this heart
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Friday, September 29th, 2006
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grain for mine
sterile stares for here
in the scares of void
drawn accross bitter reality
fear starts seeping in
that last breathe misplaced
something not so clear
wastes away in hallow pain
forget im waiting here
being given nothing was enough
my eyes chase you down the street
not much else goes far
how it all melts a lost quasi-art
these rocks in my new heart
ill bled honey from the vine
takes over your last scarlet lines
held so unkind by love
nothing from here will ever return
she'll come
you'll cry
and get nothing in return
this reduction in simplicity
is not doing so well
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i'll stay up late
watch dust float in space
define it's presence as a blessing
from feeling out of place
coming off left stage
of my short lived social life
plush with solidarity's silence
and the lies that add up right
you never knew my love
i'll try to swear
as i stew im my pity shit
i wish you were here
don't wake me in the morning
i'll be far gone from here
I won't be awoken in the morning
He's left us now, i pray to hear
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god lock me in the room
supression is necessary
these urges leave yourning
some of them scaring me
im a danger to myself
the heat of flesh
the slightest touch
radiates in my mind
the scent of lust
on tap in my spine
im a danger to myself
fill me full of opiates
if it something that will not fix
the slightest movements are truly exagerations
reverberating through those pants
you see me staring
i've got no time for your objections
what your in has my attention
im a danger to myself
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not even your warmth can save you now
you'll be surprised that you won't even surender
the sweat will fall from your brow
to the weight i send her
you cope with jokes try your luck
bringin back the same old dogs
the bite still bitter, but tastes all the same
as the pages turn to telekinetic sperm waves
the fires burn all in loves name
calling out wanting something more
screaming starings begging for less
still it comes
you prayed it'd come
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i bought my first golden arm
after i found a man with my baby in my bed
come a lil' closer now
see why i no longer carrt this heart in my hands
draw my up to tap your pain
dear sweet angeline where's your home
fall into these sheets made for you
find comfort in saying we're alone
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when words don't come as easy
but their ghosts crawl under your door
theres isn't enough light to hide you
and the hindsight emotions have won
seemless transitions in a motionless pace
that don't quite fit together, but set the pain
bitter sweet memories come bringing the past
one by one, they don't wish you well to the last
come next time when you cry
to who's shoulder will you turn
will it be the one you love
or the one for which you yourn
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sweet as candy
devils liquor drenched
bitter sweet tart
come to my pleas
hold this hollow in your hands
sin so clean
just to feel you
pale cold snow skin
burning with whats held within
ever closer now
stone blue eyes
burning fires inside my mind
and something cries
to feel you
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Saturday, February 25th, 2006
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some say she's beautiful
i dont know just what i dont see
maybe behind the mascara
or the overpriced lipgloss
maybe it's what she doesnt wear
maybe its the sequens in her hair
probably all that damned overpriced lipgloss
there's fashion hanging off her hips
drawing attention from the masses
causing talk of things gentlemen don't mention
maybe beauty's just something to put a dick in
miles and miles of these golden asses
starring at these overpriced lips
they make me tire and weary
god strike me down if i ever let them near
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Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
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you break him hard enough
you'll be waking up on the other side
guns or butter you decide
how you will save your soul
little girl don't you sew yourself to me
i am cold, i am lame, i am
that wayning smile makes something melt beside me
heroin, mescaline, and codeine pills
kindling dissassociation from you and me
we still still hear your laughter in the hallways of our minds
to the place in his arms
and the last breath i breathe i would ask god
before i'm sent to hell
to let you know how much you ruined me
i still see your beauty in this troubled town
but it's borrowed by another
passing by me with those same grey eyes
with I swear the same skin you were in once before
it's silly but the only comfort is the cold ground
covered in its falling death laced with sound
of just your soft needles of me
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Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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neurotic hearts beating
in circular motions
timeless lovers burning at touch
the devil's seamstress mending us together
faceless meanings
in underlying erotic action
contrast forgotten
the lovers are atomic sparks
glowing in brilliance
forever fading into the futility of pleasure
one thriving emotion
barbaric and primordial
the lovers are bleeding
withering to ashes
seperating by force
it was the longest feeling of death
in hindsight i wish it was more than just that
they were all there was
our hearts sacrificial lambs
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i saw a girl on the subway today
she was beautiful.
we exchanged shy glances
she blushed when i saw her make a funny face at her sister
i blushed that she smiled and looked away when i saw her.
she was beautiful.
short black hair with little lines of red
black rimmed glasses
black tank top
i felt drawn to her smile
like nothign ive ever felt
why didnt i....
why didnt she....
hmm
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this dull ache in my mind
crying, pleading
looking for hope
seeking death
just to escape the pain
god built my body
jesus put in the shame
devil just stood there watching
it all go up in flame
tie these hands
cet the vein that bainds
mothers love your daughters
they wont be able much longer
fathers, im sorry
cheap cigerette stink
cursing your aura
love facing law
lost but found guilty
hold onto your harbors
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Sunday, September 11th, 2005
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Sunday, August 14th, 2005
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i dream a reality bent to distortion
where everything, the hate, love, disinterest, pain, is all better
all so much more intense, such in contrast from dynamite to firecrackers
not because the paranoia, fear, sadness, is all light and diminished
but that it is more real
i can feel it cut in, i can see it in my mind as it hits, it becomes me
and for once, i know what it is
all the pain i have follows me
but on this mind's eye's plane of reality, its malable
able to be bent, beaten, meltdown, and broken
all to my understanding and comfort
because a pain that is unable to be touched
to be held on to and be consumed by
will be a eternal thorn in your soul
a very tinge of hell
supernatural pain is blyss
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Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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Ive got a Golden Spine
Running a vein up to a Golden Mind
It does what the rest can't.
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bminor's journal